Esquire Theme by Matthew Buchanan
Social icons by Tim van Damme

17

Aug

willin0ise:

eviehartley:

theladycheeky:

.@Stoya can’t give talks in high schools, because she makes porn films. If she could, here’s what she’d say about respecting other people’s boundaries during sex.
A person’s first condom, strap-on, or lacy thong doesn’t come with a pamphlet explaining active consent. Tampon companies don’t print statements on the back of their boxes encouraging teenagers to express their desires and ask for the desires of their sexual partners. Someone should do something about this. It would be extremely inappropriate for me to march into high schools and begin expounding upon communication, respecting other people’s limits, and taking responsibility for expressing your own. What I can do is expound upon some basic guidelines on the internet and hope the core concepts trickle down. 
So, here they are: 
1. Ask the people you will be having sex with what their preferences and limits are. This fosters active consent and encourages communication. 
2. In order for a sexual partner to be able to give you what you want, you have to tell them what your desires are. A sexual partner can’t respect your limits if you don’t express them. 
3. It is completely OK to retract your consent during a sex act. You can say that something is more intense than you thought it would be and you are no longer OK with it. If you do not speak up your partner(s) have no guaranteed way of knowing that you are unhappy or uncomfortable. 
4. If a sexual partner says something hurts, uses a “safe word” or other signal to communicate that they want the sexual interaction to stop, or just looks unhappy, freaked out, or generally not OK, you need to stop what you’re doing and check in with them.
5. If your partner(s) are drunk or high, their ability to consent is questionable. If they’ve previously expressed distaste for anal sex and are slurring “Fuck my asshole” you should politely decline and bring the subject up later when they’re sober. This applies to any sexual act that you have not previously engaged in with this person. 
6. As a general rule, don’t penetrate an orifice, pee, vomit, or bleed on someone, or slap them around without discussing the act first. 
7. If your sexual partner(s) express a limit or ask for something to stop and you do not respect it, you are stepping onto a scale that ranges from “jerk” to “full-on rapist”. Personally, I don’t want to be on that scale at all, and I don’t want to engage in sexual activity with anyone who does hang out on that scale. 
8. If one of your sexual partners steps on to the jerk-to-full-on rapist scale, call them out on it. You have the right to end the sexual activity you are engaged in and to decline sexual activity with them in the future. There you are. If any condom companies want to use those bits on their wrappers, hit me up.
-Stoya
Originally published in: New Statesman.To read the entire article, CLICK below:
http://www.newstatesman.com/voices/2014/01/if-you-dont-want-say-no-porn-stars-guide-sexual-consent
Follow Stoya on Tumblr: http://stoya.tumblr.com
Follow Stoya on Twitter: @stoya​
Follow Stoya on Instagram: http://instagram.com/stoya

Fuck I love her

Not too long ago I had someone laughing at me for asking so many questions and stuff and they said they appreciated it but it was strange to them. I felt bad just because it was very obvious that no one ever took her safety/pleasure into consideration.

willin0ise:

eviehartley:

theladycheeky:

.@Stoya can’t give talks in high schools, because she makes porn films. If she could, here’s what she’d say about respecting other people’s boundaries during sex.

A person’s first condom, strap-on, or lacy thong doesn’t come with a pamphlet explaining active consent. Tampon companies don’t print statements on the back of their boxes encouraging teenagers to express their desires and ask for the desires of their sexual partners. Someone should do something about this. It would be extremely inappropriate for me to march into high schools and begin expounding upon communication, respecting other people’s limits, and taking responsibility for expressing your own. What I can do is expound upon some basic guidelines on the internet and hope the core concepts trickle down. 

So, here they are: 

1. Ask the people you will be having sex with what their preferences and limits are. This fosters active consent and encourages communication. 

2. In order for a sexual partner to be able to give you what you want, you have to tell them what your desires are. A sexual partner can’t respect your limits if you don’t express them. 

3. It is completely OK to retract your consent during a sex act. You can say that something is more intense than you thought it would be and you are no longer OK with it. If you do not speak up your partner(s) have no guaranteed way of knowing that you are unhappy or uncomfortable. 

4. If a sexual partner says something hurts, uses a “safe word” or other signal to communicate that they want the sexual interaction to stop, or just looks unhappy, freaked out, or generally not OK, you need to stop what you’re doing and check in with them.

5. If your partner(s) are drunk or high, their ability to consent is questionable. If they’ve previously expressed distaste for anal sex and are slurring “Fuck my asshole” you should politely decline and bring the subject up later when they’re sober. This applies to any sexual act that you have not previously engaged in with this person. 

6. As a general rule, don’t penetrate an orifice, pee, vomit, or bleed on someone, or slap them around without discussing the act first. 

7. If your sexual partner(s) express a limit or ask for something to stop and you do not respect it, you are stepping onto a scale that ranges from “jerk” to “full-on rapist”. Personally, I don’t want to be on that scale at all, and I don’t want to engage in sexual activity with anyone who does hang out on that scale. 

8. If one of your sexual partners steps on to the jerk-to-full-on rapist scale, call them out on it. You have the right to end the sexual activity you are engaged in and to decline sexual activity with them in the future. There you are. If any condom companies want to use those bits on their wrappers, hit me up.

-Stoya

Originally published in: New Statesman.
To read the entire article, CLICK below:

http://www.newstatesman.com/voices/2014/01/if-you-dont-want-say-no-porn-stars-guide-sexual-consent

Follow Stoya on Tumblr: http://stoya.tumblr.com

Follow Stoya on Twitter: @stoya

Follow Stoya on Instagram: http://instagram.com/stoya

Fuck I love her

Not too long ago I had someone laughing at me for asking so many questions and stuff and they said they appreciated it but it was strange to them. I felt bad just because it was very obvious that no one ever took her safety/pleasure into consideration.

prettyboyshyflizzy:

softboycollective:

iwriteaboutfeminism:

12:01 AM in Ferguson. Curfew broken.

INDICT HIM AND WE LEAVE

Big mistake setting a curfew now we back at stage 1

If someone were to die at the age of 63 after a lifelong battle with MS or Sickle Cell, we’d all say they were a “fighter” or an “inspiration.” But when someone dies after a lifelong battle with severe mental illness and drug addiction, we say it was a tragedy and tell everyone “don’t be like him, please seek help.” That’s bullshit. Robin Williams sought help his entire life. He saw a psychiatrist. He quit drinking. He went to rehab. He did this for decades. That’s HOW he made it to 63. For some people, 63 is a fucking miracle. I know several people who didn’t make it past 23 and I’d do anything to have 40 more years with them.

anonymous reader on The Dish

One of the more helpful and insightful things I’ve seen about depression/suicide in the last couple of days.

(via mysweetetc)

16

Aug

When The Media Treats White Suspects And Killers Better Than Black Victicms.

politicalsexkitten:

curvesincolor:

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

via The Huffington Post.

"It has nothing to do with race"

captamerican:

this is somewhere between mildly concerning and absolutely hysterical that this is a real problem

captamerican:

this is somewhere between mildly concerning and absolutely hysterical that this is a real problem

14

Aug

pzzaplease:

juodaanviinaa:

fuzzypigs:

claybabay:

NEED MONEY FOR COLLEGE

NEED COLLEGE FOR JOB

NEED JOB FOR MONEY

WAHT

WHO THE FUCK DESIGNED THIS SYSTEM

NEED EXPERIENCE FOR JOB

NEED JOB TO GET EXPERIENCE

NEED CAR FOR JOB

NEED JOB FOR CAR

90% of my anxiety in a text post

13

Aug

siddharthasmama:

dynastylnoire:

aroysoreal:

bulletproofbabes:

CNN finally reporting some real info! #ferguson #ripmikebrown #justiceformikebrown #justiceformike

Wow!

Oh my God….they did it

Look how staggering these statistics are. Racism in institutional; there are many actors involved in keeping it up. One of the highest roles is filled by cops. It’s no coincidence that black communities tend to have all white precincts. The data is here. Numbers don’t lie right?

siddharthasmama:

dynastylnoire:

aroysoreal:

bulletproofbabes:

CNN finally reporting some real info! #ferguson #ripmikebrown #justiceformikebrown #justiceformike

Wow!

Oh my God….they did it

Look how staggering these statistics are. Racism in institutional; there are many actors involved in keeping it up. One of the highest roles is filled by cops. It’s no coincidence that black communities tend to have all white precincts. The data is here. Numbers don’t lie right?

chickenyaoi:

America is some fucked up dystopian shit honestly like how are y’all even surviving? Paying for healthcare? $60,000 on tuition? POC getting shot in Wal-Marts? White men shooting up elementary schools? That’s terrifying I’m worried about all of you

It’s terrifying send help 

http://fuckyeahkinkydevil.tumblr.com/post/94493224760/doctormemelordmd-pervocracy-look-at-fifty

doctormemelordmd:

pervocracy:

Look at Fifty Shades Of Grey's knot.

image

Now look at my knot.

image

Now back at FSoG. Now back at me.

This is the knot your knot could look like if you bothered to ask actual BDSM players, or hell, even their YouTube channels, before making a movie…

cutebabe:

creepy-spice:

Sorry to interrupt the Robin Williams posts but I feel like this needs to be shared. The adult film star Christy Mack has been hospitalized after being severely beaten by former boyfriend/MMA Fighter, Jonathan Koppenhaver aka “War Machine”. She sustained injuries such as 18 broken bones in her face, broken nose, multiple teeth knocked out, a fractured rib, ruptured liver and no use of her left leg. He also cut most of her hair off with a dull knife and cut her several different times and attempted to rape her. Thank god she was able to get out of the house and have a neighbor help her and take her to the hospital. Christy said he has beaten her several times in the past but never this bad. On his twitter he referred to her as “his property and always will be” if that’s not the talk of a complete psycho I don’t know what is. This is never okay. Being someone who has seen and been around horrible situations like this my heart goes out to her and hopes she makes a speedy recovery. There is a fundraiser to help pay for her hospital/surgery/recovery expenses that you can go to here: https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/qcd5/christy-mack-s-medical-expense-fund

if there is one thing in this world that fuels a raging fire in me that could fucking make me feel like i could LITERALLY get arrested for man slaughter, its the abuse of women. signal boost the fuck out of this. countless women go through this every single day and no one does shit about it. im fucking sick and tired of seeing my sisters get beaten half to death because of men. im fucking sick and tired of men thinking that we are their property. im fucking sick and tired of being dehumanized and fucking objectified and silenced. and im sick and fucking tired of my sisters being murdered at the hands of misogynists. when will this end? its so hard to not feel fucking defeated sometimes. 

cutebabe:

creepy-spice:

Sorry to interrupt the Robin Williams posts but I feel like this needs to be shared. The adult film star Christy Mack has been hospitalized after being severely beaten by former boyfriend/MMA Fighter, Jonathan Koppenhaver aka “War Machine”. She sustained injuries such as 18 broken bones in her face, broken nose, multiple teeth knocked out, a fractured rib, ruptured liver and no use of her left leg. He also cut most of her hair off with a dull knife and cut her several different times and attempted to rape her. Thank god she was able to get out of the house and have a neighbor help her and take her to the hospital. Christy said he has beaten her several times in the past but never this bad. On his twitter he referred to her as “his property and always will be” if that’s not the talk of a complete psycho I don’t know what is. This is never okay. Being someone who has seen and been around horrible situations like this my heart goes out to her and hopes she makes a speedy recovery. There is a fundraiser to help pay for her hospital/surgery/recovery expenses that you can go to here: https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/qcd5/christy-mack-s-medical-expense-fund

if there is one thing in this world that fuels a raging fire in me that could fucking make me feel like i could LITERALLY get arrested for man slaughter, its the abuse of women. signal boost the fuck out of this. countless women go through this every single day and no one does shit about it. im fucking sick and tired of seeing my sisters get beaten half to death because of men. im fucking sick and tired of men thinking that we are their property. im fucking sick and tired of being dehumanized and fucking objectified and silenced. and im sick and fucking tired of my sisters being murdered at the hands of misogynists. when will this end? its so hard to not feel fucking defeated sometimes.